So it begins

I just finished reading my last blog post from June. I sounded conflicted, almost as though I am trying to convince myself, perhaps I am, it is that heart and head thing again. I sit here at my desk tap tap tapping away at my keyboard, a glass of wine to my right ( port, sweet and smooth ) My old dog Jasper beside me and my young dog Ranger sighing in boredom behind me.
I type almost automatically, not thinking, just doing, tap tap tap.
Writing exactly where I am right at this moment.

​ I leave soon on a three month adventure back to Africa. I know I am blessed to go, but I also wonder what the heck am I looking for?  Why is it not here, right here, right now, why is it always somewhere else?  I do not know the answers and perhaps that is what bothers me the most.  A soul that feels lost is always destined to wander, always looking for that ' something '  Is is love? purpose? adventure?  Some days it is almost a desperate search,.
I wonder if I will ever be content in where I am? or am I always to wander this earth seeking recognition in the eyes of others. When I say recognition , I mean the soul type. The people whom you feel most at home with, the eyes that smile without a lip ever curling
The spark of joy that is felt.
The fire of passion.
The calm of peace.
I seek all of this ? maybe , I actually have no idea. I just know that I must be feeling I am missing something to always have my sights set somewhere else. 
Perhaps I will never have that feeling, perhaps I am not meant to, some souls wander. I just do not want to wander lost.  

So I seek purpose in all I do, I find value in what I do and I am okay with living  three quarters whole.  

Perhaps that last quarter will find me one day, or I it, but until then i will keep searching, longing, loving and living. 

See you soon Africa , see you soon. 

---